Shakespeare said, “What’s in a name?” Clearly a great deal when it comes to building relationships! Like so many others, remembering names is a challenge for me, and I have to work hard at it. I am happy to share a few tips and methods that work for me.
1) When meeting peers in social or business settings, focus on the first name only as you are being introduced. If you try to capture all of the information you hear at once (first name, last name, affiliation, etc.), you’ll feel overwhelmed.
2) In a business setting when you are meeting a client or an individual who is clearly senior to you in rank or age, focus on the last name only and use it with an honorific (Ms., Mr., Dr., Gen.). Wait for the person to give you the green light to use their first name.
3) As you are being introduced to a new individual, use their name as you shake hands or in the first sentence of your conversation. “Hi, Jane” or “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Peter.” This practice will force you to focus on the new name and you will be more likely to remember it. Try to use the name once during your conversation with the new acquaintance and once again as you say goodbye.
4) If a name has not stuck in your mind from the introduction and it’s time to end the conversation, you may say, “I enjoyed speaking with you about (topic). Thanks so much for the tip/information/sharing your thoughts. Please tell me your name once more. I am sorry; it’s one of those days….” There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking someone to repeat their name, because it indicates that you care enough/are interested enough/respect them enough to want to remember it. International names are more of a challenge when meeting people for the first time, so don’t hesitate to ask someone to repeat their name if it is difficult to pronounce. This will show that you are interested in the person and that you care about pronouncing their name correctly.
5) When you part, if there is follow-up required to your conversation, you may want to offer your social or business card when you say goodbye. This will probably prompt the other person to offer theirs. I don’t recommend flinging your business card in the direction of everyone you meet or talk with, but it is a tool that can help you when it is important to capture someone’s name. You might also say, “May I contact you for additional information about (topic you have been discussing)?” That will prompt the person to offer their card or to jot down their name and number for you.
6) When I am introduced to someone, I try to associate some image or idea with the person and their name. If I am meeting a Melissa and have known someone with that name before, I quickly link in my mind the former Melissa with the new one in some way. Or does the new person remind you of a celebrity, a politician or a character from a novel, TV, or cartoon with a similar name/face/height/mannerism? Word association may help. If the new acquaintance is David Black and he is wearing black or has black hair, use that as a tag to remember his name; Ann Byrne (burning blue eyes or burning hot temper?); Joseph Woods (dark with a moustache like Joseph Stalin or wooden countenance/no smile?); Marilyn Davis (looks NOTHING like Marilyn Monroe.) If you have to ask someone to repeat their name (see #4 above), at that point you can associate their name with something in the conversation you have just had. The more you use word association, the more readily it will come to mind as you meet new people. To practice, look at the name badges of sales associates or servers when you are in a retail store, restaurant, bank or hotel and start to make these word/image links.
7) When meeting a number of people at once, it is very difficult to capture each name. If you have the opportunity to shake each hand, then try to say each name as you do so. If necessary, ask the introducer or the person himself/herself to repeat the name as you shake hands. Do the best you can with these multiple introductions and realize that you may not need to remember each and every name in the group. If you are starting a new job and meeting new co-workers, it will take time to capture and remember all their names. You will probably be working with someone who is assigned to train you. When you return to your desk after making the rounds, ask this trainer/confidant to re-identify the people you have just met and write down their names and physical descriptions in a notebook (see # 8 below.) You may say to the trainer: “Who was the fellow from Accounting in the blue sweater? And, please remind me, what was the name of the woman who was carrying a coffee cup down the hall? She’s tall with red hair.”
(8) After I leave a meeting, seminar, or other gathering, I jot down notes about the people I have met. I make the notes in a small notebook that I carry in my handbag or briefcase, and the notes are kept chronologically. This works for me because the information is in one place (not scattered on sticky notes, scraps of paper, or documents related to a meeting) and easy to find later. Also, you may write notes on someone’s business card (“Met David on 1/27/09 at the XYZ Company reception/black leather jacket/spoke about California…”) but only if you wait until the person is out of sight and if you have a good filing system for the cards you receive. Not only do I make these notes, but I review them a day or two later so that names will stick in my mind. This will help you to remember a name when you next encounter the person.
9) But if in that next encounter you have forgotten someone’s name, finesse it as long as possible. The important thing is to indicate that you remember having met them before by referring to where/when you met or something that you talked about. “It’s so good to see you again. We met at the ABC Association reception” or “How was your trip to India?” During your conversation, the individual’s name may come up when others join you. As a last resort, admit that you have forgotten the name. “Please tell me your name once more.” From the conversation you have been having, the person knows and appreciates that you remember having met them earlier. There is a world of difference in this approach than by beginning the conversation by saying you have forgotten their name or by saying “I’m terrible with names.”
10) If you are going to a meeting and it is possible to obtain a list of people who will attend, familiarize yourself with the names before you arrive. Then, when you are introduced you won’t be hearing and processing the names for the first time. You’ll merely have to assign a face to a name. If business cards are exchanged at the beginning of a meeting, it is permissible (and smart) to place them on the table in front of you in the order in which people are seated at the table and to refer to them during the meeting.
Bonus Tip: It‘s OK to look a someone’s name badge, and more than once, if necessary. It demonstrates that you are interested in learning and remembering their name.
It may help you to know that remembering names is a challenge for most people! Showing interest in someone is what matters, and if that means asking them to repeat their name, then do so.
