Here’s what I heard—Employee #1: “I’ve had the dumbest questions from customers today. Do they ever think before asking for something?” Butcher: “Never. They ask where something is when it’s right in front of them.” Employee #1: “And because they’re too lazy to cook dinner or come up with their own ideas, I have to spend the next hour pushing this cart full of (rotisserie) chickens around the store.” Butcher: “I’m not sure how much longer I can last here. I’m hoping to be able to retire soon to get away from these idiots.” It gets worse. What followed from Employee #1 can only be described as a racial slur. I won’t share the details.

When someone works in an establishment that relies on customers to keep the doors open, it is a good idea to respect and appreciate those customers. We all know that the hardest jobs in the world are those that have direct interaction with the public and that venting with co-workers is a tried and true method of letting off steam. But most workers choose the right time and place to steam and, I hope, do so without the vitriolic sentiments expressed in the conversation that I overheard. The dialogue was not only inappropriate, it was ugly. Even if there is no guidance from management about appropriate conversation while on the job, common sense should prevail. Employee #1 should know that her comments were wrong in any setting, and wouldn’t you think that a butcher would know when to hold his tongue?

Whoever put the word “party” into the term “company party” had a wry sense of humor. It’s a word that has led to the downfall of many, as a result of inappropriate behavior, conversation or attire. The most important thing to remember when gathering with clients, colleagues, co-workers and supervisors for holiday festivities or any after-hours gathering is: it’s not a party. It’s work. Companies, offices, project teams and informal groups of co-workers will soon begin to gather for end-of-the-year events that range from bagels and coffee in the conference room to a happy hour at a local pub, a reception for employees and families at the boss’s house, or dinner and dancing in the grand foyer of a local museum. These deceptively festive functions are an extension of your work day, and when you attend you’re on duty, albeit in a slightly different capacity. So, to all who approach these holiday events, I offer some rules of the road that will help you to steer clear of boorish behavior, wardrobe malfunctions or too much holiday cheer.

The Pleasure of Your Company
Don’t skip the company holiday gathering. You may not be a happy camper when it comes to company policies and current events, but attendance will be taken, if not literally then figuratively, and you want to be counted. By planning a holiday function, your employer is probably making a sincere effort to thank employees for their hard work throughout the year. Don’t let past hostilities, dissatisfaction or other personal issues spoil the occasion for you or for others. Participate.

Respond to the invitation, and respond in a timely fashion. It is extremely rude to wait until the last minute to let the planners know if you will attend, and doubly rude if you are holding out to see if you get a better offer. Check carefully to see how the invitation is addressed. If it is addressed to you and guest, two people are invited. If it is addressed to you only, don’t ask if you may bring a date, spouse or family member.

Attire
When it’s time to choose what to wear to a work-related holiday gathering, use the same standards or criteria that you use when selecting attire to wear to work. Think of the occasion as a business meeting on steroids. You may be dressing up to a higher, more formal or festive level for the gathering, but remember that you are dressing for business. When making wardrobe choices, consider:

• the occasion, environment, industry, schedule and venue
• your established role in the organization, and
• the overall (and lasting!) impression that you want to make.

Dress like a professional all day, every day, because people treat you differently when you dress too informally or provocatively. Not only is there the possibility that others won’t view you as a focused and serious professional, but business relationships can become far too casual when you show up for a holiday gathering dressed for naughty instead of nice. Ladies, if you want to debut that frock that has hung in your closet waiting for a special occasion, just be sure that it doesn’t show so much skin that you will be the #1 topic of conversation during the event as well as the morning after. Gentlemen, you don’t tend to make as many mistakes as women do when choosing holiday attire for work-related events, because you have fewer choices. But do remember not to cross the line between your personal and professional wardrobe when making your selections. If you chose inappropriate attire for the year-end event, your image will suffer far longer than the holiday season.

Eat, Drink and Be Merry
Does everyone know the two most dangerous words associated with work-related holiday merrymaking? Open Bar! When you hear those words, ignore the voice in your head that says “woo woo!” and listen instead to the one that says “whoa!” Just as you wouldn’t drink to the point of being tipsy or inebriated at a working lunch or dinner, neither should you do so at a work-related party. Legions of employees have ruined a bright future by a sordid, party performance. You may need to designate not only a driver for the event, but an alter ego as well if you feel that you are likely to overindulge.

Overeating is also something that is extremely unbecoming. Because the gathering is work-related, it’s not about the food. It’s about building relationships, making connections, presenting yourself in a good light and being a member of a business family.

Business vs. Personal Relationships
Your clothes may change for a work-related holiday gathering, but make sure that your behavior does not. An office party is not the time to confess your attraction to a co-worker or to make otherwise inappropriate conversation. Remember that on Monday morning you have to face your boss and colleagues, and you don’t want to arrive at your work site with regrets.

And, don’t take a new acquaintance or someone you don’t know very well as your guest to the company bash. It is not a time to discover that your new squeeze cannot hold his/her liquor or has a tendency to cry, sing, tell off-color jokes, share stories of past indiscretions or dance on top of a table.

Now, get the party started.

GUEST GAMEPLAN
1. Respond to invitations and do so promptly. It is rude to set aside an invitation and wait to see if you get a better offer. When you do respond, always ask if you may help in some way or may bring something to contribute to the festivities. Uninvited companions or pets should not be included in the may-I-bring-something conversation.
2. If you do not know your host extremely well, don’t ask who else has been invited. It may sound as if that information will be a critical factor in whether or not you attend. You may ask about the number of guests your host is expecting, because that might relate to the quantity of your contribution of food, beverage or other supplies.
3. Determine appropriate attire for the event. You don’t want to be underdressed or overdressed because you’ll be uncomfortable in either circumstance. If you have no way of checking on what to wear, it is better to be slightly overdressed than underdressed. By doing so, you will show respect for the host, the occasion and other guests.
4. If an invitation states “No Gifts”, don’t bring a gift to a gathering even if you think you will give it to your host when others aren’t looking. Respect the wishes of your host. If you feel compelled to give your host a gift, send it after the gathering as a thank you. If “No Gifts” is not stated on the invitation, you may bring a gift that is either specific to the occasion or a general host/hostess gift. When choosing host gifts, avoid cut flowers and other gifts that will require immediate attention. And never bring a bottle of wine or food that has not been requested with the expectation that it will be consumed at that gathering. Arrive on time, but never more than 5minutes early, unless you have offered to come early to help with preparations and your host has accepted the offer. If you must arrive late, call your host to give your estimated time of arrival. Do not expect that your host will wait for you to begin food service or other activities.
5. If you are bringing food to a potluck gathering, don’t descend on your host with urgent requests for ingredients, utensils, counter or oven space or other demands that can inconvenience your host and interrupt his/her preparations or greeting duties.
6. Don’t make unsolicited suggestions such as re-arranging the seating or speeding up the proceedings because you need to leave early. Be a gracious guest and respect the plans of your host.
7. Choose your topics of conversation carefully. Holidays are not the time to re-open old wounds, reveal indiscretions or bait others to debate or argue. And don’t monopolize the time or attention of your host or a guest of honor in lengthy conversation.
8. If you have food restrictions related to allergies or religion, tell your host about them when you respond to the invitation. Don’t wait to share this information until you arrive at the gathering. And don’t bring your own food without informing your host in advance. Food preferences not related to allergies or religion should not be shared with a host unless the host asks. When attending a sit-down meal, sample all the food that a host has prepared. If you have complaints, keep them to yourself. Don’t overeat or drink too much.
9. Offer to help the host with kitchen, dining room or other tasks, but if your offer is refused respect your host’s wishes. Many hosts are not comfortable with delegating tasks for any number of reasons.
10. Make certain that your table manners are polished brightly for the holidays. Review the do’s and don’ts of dining etiquette before you take your seat. Please see my dining etiquette videos on Monkeysee.com for a refresher course that will make you comfortable and confident. http://www.monkeysee.com/searches?search=etiquette
11. Don’t go into rooms that are not part of the gathering. It’s rude to roam through someone’s home and peak into closed areas without an invitation to do so.
12. After using the restroom, leave it in good shape. Wipe water off the rim of the basin or counter top and dispose of trash in an appropriate receptacle. After grooming, don’t leave hair or makeup residue in the sink. Flush the toilet after using, and put the lid down. Wash your hands and replace cloth hand towels on a rack or place paper towels in a receptacle.
13. Never leave without thanking your host, even if the gathering is very large and it is difficult to locate the host in the throng of guests.
14. Always write a thank-you note or call to thank your host within 48 hours of the party. Email or a text message is not the way to indicate that you genuinely appreciated the invitation and the efforts of your host.
15. It is customary to reciprocate by inviting your host to a gathering that you will host in the near future.
16. Overnight guest? Never invite yourself; always respond quickly to an invitation; keep your host apprised of your arrival date and time; keep your room and bathroom clean; don’t allow your belongings to overtake the household; don’t disrupt the schedule of your host family; don’t assume that host will be your on-demand chauffeur; offer to contribute to food and beverage (see below*); help with household chores; don’t help yourself to food without an invitation to do so; ask permission before using a computer, the Internet or your host’s landline for long-distance calls; don’t roam the house in a state of undress; be discreet and silent in your amorous adventures; don’t ask to stay longer than the original plan; and leave as small a footprint (literally and figuratively) on your surroundings as possible. When you return home, write and send a thank you note immediately. If your host declined your offer of contributions of food or beverage during your visit, send a thank-you gift, as well. *Overnight guests should always arrive with food or beverage contributions. If you are flying and not able to bring food or beverage, offer to shop with your host and pay for some of the food that will be required during your stay.

HOST HOW-TO
1. Distribute invitations in a timely fashion, providing invited guests with sufficient lead time to plan their schedules. Provide specific information about travel directions, activities, length and size of gathering, suggested attire, and policy on pets. Ask about food restrictions or other special accommodations that may be required.
2. Don’t print “No Gifts” on an invitation. It is rude to focus on gifts in any manner. When guests respond to your invitation, you may say, “We have decided not to exchange gifts this year,” if that is your inclination.
3. Make certain that bathrooms are cleaned and well stocked. Provide tissue, soap, towels and a waste basket. You may want to include a bottle of hand sanitizer, as well.
4. Determine ahead of time if you will accept contributions to the menu or offers to help with preparation and clean up, and be consistent. If you accept such offers from some guests, you must accept from all. It is uncomfortable for guests to arrive empty-handed or be turned out of the kitchen when they see others contributing.
5. Check the curb, driveway, sidewalk and porch to make certain that there is sufficient lighting to guide guests and that there are no tripping hazards, icy spots, etc. Determine parking arrangements.
6. Greet guests at the door. Don’t make people wonder what to do when they arrive. If you are tied up in the kitchen or elsewhere, delegate the task of greeting to someone who can serve graciously in your stead. Have a clear plan about where to place coats, gifts, etc. Direct guests to food and beverages. Keep guests informed about the order and timing of events at the gathering.
7. Introduce guests to one another. Don’t make them fend for themselves.
8. If you are planning a cocktail period before dinner, keep it short and have food to munch with drinks. Remember that you are responsible for the liquor consumed in your home and its consequences.
9. For a seated meal, have a seating plan determined before guests head to the table.
10. Send your guests the signals that they will be looking for in regard to table etiquette. For example, it is customary for a host or hostess to take their napkin off the table immediately upon taking their seat signaling that guests may do so. Encourage guests to begin to eat or continue to eat when your preparations require that you leave the table.
11. Be attuned to your guests’ needs during the gathering or the meal.
12. Make certain that all guests are included in conversations. Private chats in a corner can make others feel uncomfortable.
13. Determine when you want the gathering to end and when that time arrives, let guests know in a subtle manner that it is time to go.
14. Try to say good bye to all guests and thank them for coming.
15. Having houseguests? Clearly establish arrival and departure times and dates and adhere to them; allow guests to contribute to food and beverage needs; place needed supplies in sleeping rooms and bathrooms; inform guests of house rules and schedule/agenda during their visit; don’t assume that guests will want to participate in everything you have planned (schedule private time for both sides); and accept a guest’s offer of assistance with household tasks.
16. Enjoy your own party. Even when you are feeling overwhelmed, try to remember why you invited guests in the first place.

DO
1) Change your perception of re-gifting. It’s no longer verboten. Under the right circumstances, it can be thoughtful, practical and green.
2) Keep a gift log so that you have a good record of the gifts you receive and from whom you receive them. Your #1 goal is to avoid re-gifting an item to its original source.
3) Think of the broad circle of friends and family of the individual who gave you the item that you are re-gifting. If there is any possibility that the re-gift recipient will recognize the item and identify its original source, don’t re-gift it to that individual.
4) When re-gifting, exercise the same level of concern for matching a gift to a recipient as you do when shopping for a new item. A re-gift should match the interests or needs of the recipient.
5) Re-gift only if an item is in its original packaging and has never been used. Even if the item has never been used but the packaging appears to be damaged, soiled, torn in areas where original seals or tape have been removed or has other flaws, don’t re-gift it. If, logically, the item can be removed from its original packaging and placed in a new, generic gift box, then it may be a candidate for re-gifting.
6) Get a second opinion. Ask a family member or trusted friend to look at the proposed re-gift item to confirm that it is in pristine condition and has re-gift potential. And, note to self, in future never re-gift to this advisor who now knows your penchant for re-gifting.
7) It is better to attend an event empty handed and send a gift later than to re-gift an inappropriate item because you feel pressure to arrive with a gift.
8 ) If you have an item that you want to get rid of but it is inappropriate candidate for re-gifting, donate it to the PTA white elephant sale, neighborhood tag sale or to a charity.
9) Think about sponsoring a “Re-gift Drive” to collect new/unused items and donate them to a community organization or to a family that has lost its home or belongings in a fire or natural disaster. Considering starting a family, office or group tradition where one or more holiday or birthday gifts are donated to a local shelter or charity.
10) Be a thoughtful and cautious re-gifter and you won’t go wrong.

DON’T
1) If you are not 101% certain who gave you a gift, don’t re-gift it.
2) Never re-gift one-of-a kind items, souvenirs from travel, corporate logo items, tradeshow giveaways, etc.
3) Don’t re-gift an item from a special, elderly or difficult family member who visits, or may visit, your home. They may ask to see the gift on their next visit or they may ask you to show it to another relative or visitor when they are in your home.
4) If a potential re-gift item does not fit the occasion, price range dictated by the relationship of giver and receiver, the likes/dislikes of the receiver or other standard criteria for gift selection, don’t re-gift that item. Just because you have something that you don’t use and would like to get out of your pantry, closet or bureau drawer, don’t re-gift it unless it is an appropriate gift for the recipient and the occasion. Why re-gift a cooking/kitchen gadget to a non-cooking friend or a item of clothing to a family member who cares nothing about fashion or wardrobe? A re-gift must be a good match for the recipient.
5) Don’t re-gift odd or out-of-date books, CDs, DVDs. Passing along a favorite book or CD to a friend after you have enjoyed it is different than re-gifting and pretending that the item was recently purchased.
6) Don’t re-gift a gift bag unless it is in pristine condition. And if the bag came with a gift tag attached, remember to check to see if your name is on the tag before re-gifting.
7) Don’t place a re-gift in an unrelated store logo box with the intention of suggesting that the re-gift came from that store.
8 ) If you’re caught, challenged or questioned (which a courteous recipient would never do), admit to your re-gifting transgression. “Yes, I wasn’t able to use this item, but thought because of your interest/talent in this particular area that you would enjoy it.” Or plead the recession defense: “I wanted to give you something special, and I couldn’t afford to shop this year.”
9) Many people admit to re-gifting, so you may be on the receiving end of a re-gift at some point in future. If you are the recipient of what you know is a re-gift, accept it graciously and assume that the giver thought you would enjoy the item. Don’t embarrass the giver. Consider the experience a joint, go-green effort to reduce the junk that goes to landfills. If it is an item that you know you will never use, enter it into your gift log, find a temporary home for it in your re-gift closet and wait for a perfect re-gift opportunity down the road.
10) Don’t have a closed mind to the concept of re-gifting. Consider the possibilities. After all, your dust-collecting, under-appreciated oddity may be someone else’s treasure.

Check out other re-gifting tips on Fox5 TV Holiday Survival Guide: http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/money/regifting-rules-holiday-survival-guide-111909

1) When meeting peers in social or business settings, focus on the first name only as you are being introduced. If you try to capture all of the information you hear at once (first name, last name, affiliation, etc.), you’ll feel overwhelmed.
2) In a business setting when you are meeting a client or an individual who is clearly senior to you in rank or age, focus on the last name only and use it with an honorific (Ms., Mr., Dr., Gen.). Wait for the person to give you the green light to use their first name.
3) As you are being introduced to a new individual, use their name as you shake hands or in the first sentence of your conversation. “Hi, Jane” or “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Peter.” This practice will force you to focus on the new name and you will be more likely to remember it. Try to use the name once during your conversation with the new acquaintance and once again as you say goodbye.
4) If a name has not stuck in your mind from the introduction and it’s time to end the conversation, you may say, “I enjoyed speaking with you about (topic). Thanks so much for the tip/information/sharing your thoughts. Please tell me your name once more. I am sorry; it’s one of those days….” There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking someone to repeat their name, because it indicates that you care enough/are interested enough/respect them enough to want to remember it. International names are more of a challenge when meeting people for the first time, so don’t hesitate to ask someone to repeat their name if it is difficult to pronounce. This will show that you are interested in the person and that you care about pronouncing their name correctly.
5) When you part, if there is follow-up required to your conversation, you may want to offer your social or business card when you say goodbye. This will probably prompt the other person to offer theirs. I don’t recommend flinging your business card in the direction of everyone you meet or talk with, but it is a tool that can help you when it is important to capture someone’s name. You might also say, “May I contact you for additional information about (topic you have been discussing)?” That will prompt the person to offer their card or to jot down their name and number for you.
6) When I am introduced to someone, I try to associate some image or idea with the person and their name. If I am meeting a Melissa and have known someone with that name before, I quickly link in my mind the former Melissa with the new one in some way. Or does the new person remind you of a celebrity, a politician or a character from a novel, TV, or cartoon with a similar name/face/height/mannerism? Word association may help. If the new acquaintance is David Black and he is wearing black or has black hair, use that as a tag to remember his name; Ann Byrne (burning blue eyes or burning hot temper?); Joseph Woods (dark with a moustache like Joseph Stalin or wooden countenance/no smile?); Marilyn Davis (looks NOTHING like Marilyn Monroe.) If you have to ask someone to repeat their name (see #4 above), at that point you can associate their name with something in the conversation you have just had. The more you use word association, the more readily it will come to mind as you meet new people. To practice, look at the name badges of sales associates or servers when you are in a retail store, restaurant, bank or hotel and start to make these word/image links.
7) When meeting a number of people at once, it is very difficult to capture each name. If you have the opportunity to shake each hand, then try to say each name as you do so. If necessary, ask the introducer or the person himself/herself to repeat the name as you shake hands. Do the best you can with these multiple introductions and realize that you may not need to remember each and every name in the group. If you are starting a new job and meeting new co-workers, it will take time to capture and remember all their names. You will probably be working with someone who is assigned to train you. When you return to your desk after making the rounds, ask this trainer/confidant to re-identify the people you have just met and write down their names and physical descriptions in a notebook (see # 8 below.) You may say to the trainer: “Who was the fellow from Accounting in the blue sweater? And, please remind me, what was the name of the woman who was carrying a coffee cup down the hall? She’s tall with red hair.”
(8) After I leave a meeting, seminar, or other gathering, I jot down notes about the people I have met. I make the notes in a small notebook that I carry in my handbag or briefcase, and the notes are kept chronologically. This works for me because the information is in one place (not scattered on sticky notes, scraps of paper, or documents related to a meeting) and easy to find later. Also, you may write notes on someone’s business card (“Met David on 1/27/09 at the XYZ Company reception/black leather jacket/spoke about California…”) but only if you wait until the person is out of sight and if you have a good filing system for the cards you receive. Not only do I make these notes, but I review them a day or two later so that names will stick in my mind. This will help you to remember a name when you next encounter the person.
9) But if in that next encounter you have forgotten someone’s name, finesse it as long as possible. The important thing is to indicate that you remember having met them before by referring to where/when you met or something that you talked about. “It’s so good to see you again. We met at the ABC Association reception” or “How was your trip to India?” During your conversation, the individual’s name may come up when others join you. As a last resort, admit that you have forgotten the name. “Please tell me your name once more.” From the conversation you have been having, the person knows and appreciates that you remember having met them earlier. There is a world of difference in this approach than by beginning the conversation by saying you have forgotten their name or by saying “I’m terrible with names.”
10) If you are going to a meeting and it is possible to obtain a list of people who will attend, familiarize yourself with the names before you arrive. Then, when you are introduced you won’t be hearing and processing the names for the first time. You’ll merely have to assign a face to a name. If business cards are exchanged at the beginning of a meeting, it is permissible (and smart) to place them on the table in front of you in the order in which people are seated at the table and to refer to them during the meeting.

Bonus Tip: It‘s OK to look a someone’s name badge, and more than once, if necessary. It demonstrates that you are interested in learning and remembering their name.

It may help you to know that remembering names is a challenge for most people! Showing interest in someone is what matters, and if that means asking them to repeat their name, then do so.

While staring at the proofs in front of me, doubts are swirling in my brain. Were all the changes made from the previous round of edits? Are the dates, addresses, and telephone numbers correct? Have I missed any spelling errors? Because I have been obsessed with this invitation and its companion pieces for some time, am I seeing what they SHOULD say and not what they ACTUALLY say?

Oh, get a grip! Sign the approval form and fax everything back to the printer. After all, how important can this project be? Well…when my only daughter is getting married, her wedding invitation has incredible significance and is a very special document to me. I want everything to be perfect for this very sweet bride and her wonderful husband-to-be. Good thing the invitations that I produced in my professional life didn’t carry this much weight!

U.S. flags sprout like spring flowers on this holiday and, when used and displayed properly, help all of us to honor American veterans and their families and to remember their sacrifices made throughout our country’s history.

Here are some general guidelines for displaying the U.S. flag appropriately:

• The flag must be treated with respect and dignity at all times.
• A U.S. flag is always displayed with the blue field of stars at the top.
• The flag should not be allowed to touch the ground, but it is not necessary to destroy a flag that has inadvertently touched the ground.
• No flag on display with the U.S. flag should be larger or taller than the U.S. flag.
All flags used for an event should be the same size.
• The flag may never be worn as apparel nor used as decoration (table covering, banister drape, etc.).
• It is inappropriate to write on a U.S. flag or attach any logos, insignia or other symbols to the flag.
• The U.S. flag is always placed in the position of honor–to the right.

HALF-STAFF DISPLAY
• The flag, when flown on a flagpole in observance of Memorial Day, is flown at half staff from dawn until 3 p.m. (EST).
• When displaying a U.S. flag at half staff, it is first hoisted to the top of the pole/staff and then lowered to half-staff position. When removing a flag from half-staff position, hoist it to the top of the pole/staff before removing it.
• If a Federal holiday or Flag Day occurs within a period of half-staff display (national period of mourning), the flag remains at half-staff on the holiday.

BUILDING/HOME
• The U.S. flag should be displayed on the left side of the main entrance, as viewed from the sidewalk or street.
• If displayed in a row with other domestic flags, the U.S. flag may be placed in the center and slightly higher than others.
• If mounted flat, horizontally or vertically, on a building or wall, the union (blue field of stars) is at the upper left-hand corner to the viewer.

STAGE/DAIS/PROGRAM
• The U.S. flag is placed stage right (to the speaker’s right)
• If a ceiling is low, the flag may be placed on the floor next to a stage or dais at stage right.
• If displayed flat on a wall, either horizontally or vertically, the blue field is
at the upper left-hand corner to the viewer.
• It is never appropriate to display multiple U.S. flags during a program or event.

OFFICE
• When displayed in an individual’s office, the U.S. flag should be positioned behind and to the right of individual seated at the desk
• If the flag is displayed in a corridor outside an office, it should be to the left side of the door when viewed by those entering the office.

CONFERENCE ROOM
If displayed in a meeting or conference room, the U.S. flag is positioned behind and to the right of meeting host, as host is seated.

LIMOUSINE/AUTOMOBILE
The U.S. flag may be mounted on the right, front fender of an automobile.

RECEIVING LINE
The U.S. flag is placed behind and to the right of individuals in the line.

COLOR GUARD PRESENTATIONS
• If a color guard is presenting colors (marching in and out with flags), but not posting colors during a program or event, a U.S. flag may be on display on a stage/dais or in the room during the presentation of colors.
• If a color guard posts the colors (places the flag in a stand for duration of a program/event), there should be only one U.S. flag on display.

FLAG POLE/STAFF
• If flown on a pole with another flag, the U.S. flag is at the top of the pole.
• When displaying the U.S. flag and a second flag from a crossed staffs, the U.S. flag is placed to the viewer’s left and its pole/staff is in front of that of the accompanying flag.

CARRYING A FLAG
• Option 1: If the U.S. flag is carried with other flags in a procession/parade, it is in the position of honor at the far right side of the line of flag carriers (carrier’s right).
• Option 2: The U.S. flag carrier may march ahead and centered in front of a line of other flags in a procession/parade.

ORDER OF PRECEDENCE
• The U.S. flag is always placed in the position of honor—to the right (speaker’s right; viewer’s left).
• Flags representing foreign countries; U.S. states, counties or cities; military services, units or leaders; government agencies; honored guests or sponsoring organizations follow the U.S. flag in order of precedence when displayed.

PATRIOTIC DECORATION
• It is never appropriate to display more than one U.S. flag during a program or event.
• The U.S. flag is not décor. Don’t drape the flag on tables, swag it on platforms or railings, or use it as a table covering. Instead, use bunting or other red/white/blue materials. When arranging red/white blue striped fabric, place the blue stripe at the top.
• Small, friendship flags (miniature replicas of national flags) may be placed on a conference or dining table as a sign of respect to foreign visitors.

RETIRING A FLAG
The Flag Code dictates that “The flag, when it is in such a condition that it is no longer a fitting emblem for display, should be destroyed in a dignified way, preferably by burning.” Typically, one would cut the union from the flag then destroy them together. In this manner, the flag is not burned but two separate pieces that when united make the flag. The National Flag Foundation (see contact information below) provides guidelines for a patriotic flag burning ceremony (Ceremony of Final Tribute). Contact a local chapter of VFW, the Elks or other community service organization for assistance with disposing of a damaged flag. Flag recycling programs exist in some communities.

ADDITIONAL FLAG INFORMATION:
Public Law 94-344
National Flag Foundation, www.americanflags.org; (412) 261-1776
The Betsy Ross Homepage, www.ushistory.org/betsy

I wonder if there is a handbook for National Etiquette Week with marching orders such as: be courteous at home, at the office, in traffic, at school, in stores and restaurants; be thoughtful when using cell phones and in other electronic communication; say “Thanks!” in a note or in person for kindness, assistance or a gift; show respect for all the people in our lives; and put the needs and comfort of others before our own. Wait a minute, isn’t that how we should behave every week?

Maybe I can warm to the idea of National Etiquette Week if I view it as someone’s good intention to try to get us all to think about courtesy by shining a spotlight on the topic at least once a year. But why stop with one week when an entire MONTH is devoted to Getting Organized (January), the Vidalia Onion (May) and Mold Awareness (September)? And surely etiquette deserves as much attention as National Accordion Awareness Month (June) and National Roller Skating Month (October). And after month-long status is achieved, what’s to prevent us from going for the big one–International Etiquette Year, with a renewable option. Then you can count me in!

Forget the secret life of bees. It’s flowers that have a hidden agenda.

Did you know that flowers convey a myriad of meanings? On Valentine’s Day and other occasions when you decide to say it with flowers, make sure you’re sending the message you intend. By choosing incorrectly, you may be conveying inappropriate or unwelcome sentiments.

It is safe to say that a very small percentage of the population knows the traditional meaning of most flowers. But the recipient of your gift might be that one person in a hundred who knows the pedigree and mythology of every blossom. So tuck this trivia away and it may help you to avoid embarrassment when you select and send flowers. And who knows, it might serve as a topic to break the ice when staring over the centerpiece at a dull dinner party.

Here is a floral lexicon to help you avoid pitfalls when choosing flowers for family or friends, colleagues or clients:

Carnation- Friendship, Pride, Admiration, Fascination

Pink carnations - Especially appropriate on Mother’s Day.

Chrysanthemum – Friendship

Cyclamen – Resignation, Goodbye

Daffodil – Regard, Unrequited love

Daisy – Innocence, Cheer, Friendship

Forget-me-not – Affection, Remembrance, Interest in pursuing/building a relationship

Gardenia – Secret love

Geranium – Friendship

Hyacinth (purple) – Apology, Sorrow

Iris – Faith, Admiration, Wisdom, Valor

Lily – Innocence, Purity, Rebirth (Spring), Condolence

Orchid – Love, Beauty, Refinement, Strength

Pansy – Thoughtful recollection

Petunia – Anger, Resentment

Poinsettia – “Be of good cheer”

Rose –

Coral/Orange –Enthusiasm, Desire

Pink – Grace, Gentility, Happiness, Trustworthiness

Dark pink – Thank you

Light pink – Admiration

Peach – Let’s get together, Closing the deal

Yellow – Joy, Gladness, Friendship, Welcome, Think of me

White – Charm, Secrecy, Silence, Innocence, Reverence, Humility

Red * – Romance, Passion, True Love

(* Steer clear of red roses unless you mean business – the business of love, not commerce. A red rose says “I love you” in most languages or cultures. If you choose to send roses for business occasions, you are sending the message that the recipient is valued and special, but go with any color other than red.)

Sunflower – Loyalty, Longevity, Admiration, Devotion

Tulip - Friendship, Admiration, Love*

(* Tulips are now a harmless symbol of friendship and not necessarily a declaration of love. It is not at all risky to give them to a business colleague, take them to a dinner party or send them to a sick friend.)

Violet – Modesty, Simplicity

Zinnia – Lasting affection

International Protocol Tips

Cultural nuances can torpedo your good intentions when it comes to giving flowers in the international arena. General rules to follow are:

• Types of flowers

– Chrysanthemums – Associated with death in Mexico (as are other yellow flowers)

– Lilies and carnations – Symbolize death in Japan

– Roses – In Saudi Arabia, they are considered too personal a gift for business colleagues or visitors to present.

• Colors

– In China and Korea, green, white and black are colors for funerals, and blue is for mourning.

– In Japan, avoid white flowers (associated with death), and avoid red flowers as a gift for a friend or colleague who is ill (signifies blood).

– In some Latin American countries, purple is a color for funerals.

– White flowers signify death in India and historically were used to remove spells in Mexico.

– Red roses (worth repeating) – Around the world, red roses symbolize passion or true love.

• Numbers

– In China, avoid gifts of items in even numbers (i.e., a dozen roses). 4 and 9 are unlucky numbers; 3 and 8 are lucky numbers.

– In Japan and Korea, avoid gifts in even numbers (i.e., a dozen roses.) 4 and 9 are unlucky numbers; 3 and 7 are lucky numbers.

– In India, never give gifts in even numbers.

• Presentation – In many Latin American and European countries, it is considered tacky to present flowers wrapped in paper, cellophane or plastic sleeves, even when tied with a ribbon.

• Choose another gift – In Caribbean countries where flowers are abundant, flowers are not an appropriate gift.

Still not fluent in flowers? Perhaps a nice box of candy instead…?

Raise your hand if you’re annoyed or offended when dining in a restaurant and members of the staff sing “Happy Birthday” to another diner. I received an inquiry from a reporter the other day regarding the etiquette implications of these restaurant birthday choruses and whether or not it is rude to interrupt other diners in this fashion.

Dining in a restaurant is a public experience. When a diner enters a restaurant it is with the understanding that he/she will be spending time and sharing space with others. That said, diners do have the right to expect that their dining experience will be peaceful and pleasant and will not be interrupted by disruptive conversations at adjacent tables or by a rowdy crowd in the bar area. If and when this is not the case, they may ask the restaurant staff to attend to unusual situations that disrupt their dining experience.

But everyone—everyone—knows that there may be the occasional “Happy Birthday” chorus when dining in public. I believe it is a very small percentage of restaurant patrons who would begrudge a fellow diner an acknowledgement of his/her special occasion. In fact, most people smile when a birthday is observed and many even get into the spirit of the occasion and join in singing for complete strangers. After all, how long does this interruption last? Roughly 60 seconds. Those who do not appreciate this acknowledgement or feel that it disrupts their dining experience should choose their restaurants very carefully or dine at home in isolation.

It is not at all a breach of etiquette when diners ask a restaurant to help celebrate a special occasion in some fashion. After all, restaurants are for-profit enterprises that are in business to help people celebrate special occasions. Most restaurants tailor their birthday “performances” to the image and clientele of their establishment. Family-style restaurants and informal cafes tend to round up all servers, give them ragtag instruments and send them off to the birthday diner’s table with great enthusiasm. More sedate restaurants may have a server deliver an individual dessert with a single candle and very little fanfare. For instance, my family and I took my husband to a very nice restaurant one week ago for his birthday. I quietly mentioned to our server that that the evening was a celebration of my husband’s big day and could he (server) present my husband’s dessert in some festive way. The pastry chef in the kitchen wrote “Happy Birthday” in chocolate script on the edge of the dessert plate, and the server presented it to my husband with a simple “Happy Birthday, sir.” Very few diners even knew that this had occurred.

Many restaurant reviews now include a guide or rating for the general noise level of an establishment so that diners can make educated decisions on whether or not a particular restaurant will meet their needs and expectations. Those few diners who may be offended by a momentary interruption for “Happy Birthday” should choose their restaurants very carefully.