Raise your hand if you’re annoyed or offended when dining in a restaurant and members of the staff sing “Happy Birthday” to another diner. I received an inquiry from a reporter the other day regarding the etiquette implications of these restaurant birthday choruses and whether or not it is rude to interrupt other diners in this fashion.
Dining in a restaurant is a public experience. When a diner enters a restaurant it is with the understanding that he/she will be spending time and sharing space with others. That said, diners do have the right to expect that their dining experience will be peaceful and pleasant and will not be interrupted by disruptive conversations at adjacent tables or by a rowdy crowd in the bar area. If and when this is not the case, they may ask the restaurant staff to attend to unusual situations that disrupt their dining experience.
But everyone—everyone—knows that there may be the occasional “Happy Birthday” chorus when dining in public. I believe it is a very small percentage of restaurant patrons who would begrudge a fellow diner an acknowledgement of his/her special occasion. In fact, most people smile when a birthday is observed and many even get into the spirit of the occasion and join in singing for complete strangers. After all, how long does this interruption last? Roughly 60 seconds. Those who do not appreciate this acknowledgement or feel that it disrupts their dining experience should choose their restaurants very carefully or dine at home in isolation.
It is not at all a breach of etiquette when diners ask a restaurant to help celebrate a special occasion in some fashion. After all, restaurants are for-profit enterprises that are in business to help people celebrate special occasions. Most restaurants tailor their birthday “performances” to the image and clientele of their establishment. Family-style restaurants and informal cafes tend to round up all servers, give them ragtag instruments and send them off to the birthday diner’s table with great enthusiasm. More sedate restaurants may have a server deliver an individual dessert with a single candle and very little fanfare. For instance, my family and I took my husband to a very nice restaurant one week ago for his birthday. I quietly mentioned to our server that that the evening was a celebration of my husband’s big day and could he (server) present my husband’s dessert in some festive way. The pastry chef in the kitchen wrote “Happy Birthday” in chocolate script on the edge of the dessert plate, and the server presented it to my husband with a simple “Happy Birthday, sir.” Very few diners even knew that this had occurred.
Many restaurant reviews now include a guide or rating for the general noise level of an establishment so that diners can make educated decisions on whether or not a particular restaurant will meet their needs and expectations. Those few diners who may be offended by a momentary interruption for “Happy Birthday” should choose their restaurants very carefully.
Is it proper to have waitstaff clear my dirty dish when finished if my guests are not finished? I don’t like to sit and see my dirty dishes, or those of my guests, but which is correct?
This is a matter of the diner’s choice, but when the server clears your course before your dining companions are finished, it suggests indirectly that they should hurry along and not keep you waiting. This is not a message that you want to convey to others. When dining with new acquaintances or business associates, my recommendation is to pace yourself with your companions and attempt to finish at about the same time. You may be more relaxed and informal when dining with close family and friends.